2021: No Resolutions. No Expectations
This year my only goal is showing up for myself everyday. And yours?
I wrote this article a couple of months ago for a writing challenge at Vocal. However, I think many of the things I discussed are still relevant today, three months into 2021. Since Medium is a space for honest writing and personal growth, I really wanted to bring these thoughts here….
This year, I have no resolutions at all. From the beginning of 2021, I released all expectations about the year to come. I’m not hoping for anything in particular to happen. Well, except maybe for one thing: recovering my health.
Even then, I’m not chasing any big resolutions, or goals that I want to achieve (how unambitious of me!). If I had to choose something that I want to reinforce this year is “taking it one day at a time”. Just focusing on getting through the day. Every day. In the most peaceful way possible. And, honestly, given the rollercoaster that was last year, most of us probably share that goal.
So, if like me, getting through the day is your only goal this year…guess what? That’s totally okay!
2020 was a tough year for everyone! It was probably not as bad for me as for thousands of other people. However, in times like these, we are all experiencing difficulties, so everyone needs compassion. The worst someone is experiencing right now, it’s just the worst they are experiencing right now. So, I try not to be too hard on myself.
From last April until today, my challenge (on top of a global pandemic, of course!) has been dealing with an autoimmune reaction in my body. While it’s not yet clear exactly what it is, it feels like everyday it is affecting all my joints, muscles and organs. I feel swollen and/or in pain most of the time. Some days it’s a little better, some days it’s worse. The most difficult part about it is that it came out of nowhere, all of a sudden, without any hint to when it plans to go away (much like Covid-19, if you ask me!).
Before living for almost a year with constant pain, I took my health for granted. Not intentionally, but I did. I subjected myself to tons of stress while over-working intensively for three years and doing the same while completing a master’s degree at a highly competitive institution. Having something that I took for granted taken away (temporarily, I hope!), has made me realize and be grateful for all the things that I do have in my life. Along with being in lockdown, it has also helped me think about the things that matter! Spoiler: it’s not the material stuff.
Some days are harder and darker. That’s normal. So, I don’t expect myself to just be okay, or happy, or motivated, or or productive all the time. I just try to show up for myself. Every day. Without giving up! That is also the reason that I’m not pushing myself to do more than I can during these times.
These months, I have tried to find little things that help me stay balanced. For example, finding small ways to make a little income and keep myself occupied (mostly writing, which is why I was very happy to find platforms like Medium and Vocal!). I try to eat as healthy as I can, but I have days when I need comfort food. I don’t exercise every day (and I don’t want to, somedays only stretching is enough). I try to meditate everyday (when I feel like I need it, without expecting to be perfect at it). I try not be hard on myself if I have a distracted mind or just don’t feel in the mood for it. At the moment, I’m just allowing myself to go with my own flow, and not trap myself in “what I should be doing during these times”.
That is why, instead of resolutions, what I am taking into 2021 are LOTS of lessons from 2020 (and, to be fair, a few years before). I try to leave by them every day, without pushing myself to follow them perfectly and without beating myself up if I fail or have a ‘down’ day. I want to share these with you. I hope they help!
Here are my main lessons from 2020, which I’m still bringing into 2021:
Appreciate the little things
As I mentioned before on this article, the most important part is focusing on appreciating the little things that I do still have in my life. My sudden personal situation, has taught me to not take things for granted. Especially health. It has made me more attuned to all the blessings that I have, but I didn’t often appreciate.
In a way, I believe that Covid is doing the same to humanity: Teaching not to take the little things as for granted. In almost a year now, it has taught us to cherish hugs, kissing, social contact, family reunions, going to the office, to university, to the cinema, doing sports, and so many others things. And again, it has especially taught us to value our health. Let’s not miss out on the lesson, and take this as an opportunity to remember how much those things matter!
Rest your body (and your mind!)
I believe that whatever is causing my pain right now, is basically a call from my body, telling me to “STOP and LISTEN”. The past couple of years, I had periods of time with unbelievable levels of stress, where I completely ignored my body and my mind. My brain was a tornado of thoughts and worries. Especially worries about “not being [insert cliché adjective here] enough”. For example, not being smart enough to be at a top university. Not being pretty enough to be loved. Not being capable enough to get a stable job. And so many others. Add to this, a constant bombarding of beauty and success standards on social media and a bunch of worrying situations in the news. It is madness! And something had to give.
I have come to believe that Covid-19 is telling the world: “STOP and LISTEN”. Maybe that’s our cue to realize what is failing about our world both as a society and also in our inner world. Maybe this situation is making us stop and be more aware about what is important for us in our life. But to identify those things, you must give your body (and your mind!) a rest. Take care of yourself. Lay off social media. Turn off the news. Try to sleep enough. Allow yourself some minutes of silence during your day. Mental health is as important as physical health. Now, more than ever, be kind and patient with yourself.
Embracing ‘unproductivity’
At the beginning of this year, I found myself surrounded by many clear, ambitious and BIG New Year’s resolutions (or at least that’s how it looked on Instagram, right?). I am in no way against setting goals. I think that’s amazing (when they are healthy goals)! And we should all be super supportive of each other. What I do realize, is that maybe being ambitious is just not what I need right now. And that’s okay. All I have to be right now, is patient with myself. I feel like that’s a huge need for most of us today (even if we’re not all facing chronic pain or health issues). Unfortunately, we don’t hear this enough: You don’t have to be productive all the time.
I have the feeling that during these times, there’s an underlying idea that just because we have ‘more time’ at home due to the pandemic, we should use it to be productive (to finally do everything we wanted to do, to go get the life of our dreams). Essentially, to make lots of resolutions. It sounds amazing! And that’s all good and well. But, we need to remember that we are still in the middle of a global pandemic, wrapped in uncertainty, which naturally causes lots of stress, anxiety and exhaustion. Some days, even just getting up morning can be the biggest achievement. So, let’s stop glorifying business. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t complete your to-do list exactly as you expected it. Whatever you can do today, that’s enough. Give yourself a break, you deserve it!
Trusting life
Now, something that my partner and I repeat together (like mantra) when we have a new doctor’s appointment for my condition is “no expectations”. I have learned this through months of ups and downs with potential solutions for my situation, with disappointments along the way, and waiting. Lots of waiting. Very exhausting stuff! So, having no expectations may sound a little pessimistic, but it’s actually quite the opposite. It’s basically just hoping for the best and then forgetting about it!
The reason that I have no expectations is that I trust God and the Universe to do their thing. It may sound a little ‘out there’, but hear me out! We can call it God, the Universe, Source Energy or whatever feels right (I recently read “You’re a Badass” by Jen Sincero, where she calls it “the Motherlode” and I loved it! By the way, that’s a wonderful, light-hearted and uplifting book if you ever need laugh and an emotional boost). There is always hope in the belief that there is something greater taking care of us. And, at least for me, that’s the truth.
This quote that I love, reflects this very well:
I took this screenshot many years ago (I don’t remember where from), but it has stuck with me ever since.
My only goal is getting through each day, until things get better. The secret is trying to not fixate on when or how that will happen. This applies both for the pandemic and for my health situation. I am trusting that things happen for a reason and that all will be well, in its own time. It’s not always easy. When it gets hard, I just remind myself: I don’t know how, or when. But “this too shall pass”.
My final point is: I’m no longer tying to control each possible outcome. I’m no longer trying to make sense of the uncertainty and trying to figure out what is going to make it end, or when that will happen. No expectations. I don’t have any big goals that I want to reach right now. I make little goals every day as I go. No resolutions. Just showing up every day, and doing my best.
So, Dear Reader, whichever way you choose to go: Kick butt with your New Year resolutions for this year, or kick butt by taking it one day at a time (or both!), just know one thing: You’ve got this! ♥️
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